I’ve written a tense scene between two characters. The dialogue is strong. Emotion high. Yet, my critique group asks for more action to break it up. I’m frustrated. Silly words like he shrugged, or sipped his tea, or stroked the cat seem okay, but they break the focus and add nothing to the moment.

Finally I figured out what they wanted—meaningful action. Character movement should be combined with attitude and emotion. Here are some examples:

Before: (Lily is desperate to hire a detective. Johnny, an Iraq vet, was referred by her cousin, Cooper Davis.)

“Before we go further, there’s something I need to tell you.” Johnny placed his hands on the arms of his wheelchair. “I’m not actually a detective.”

Lily stared at him. “You’re not? Then why did Cooper send me here?”

“Full disclosure.” He raised his hand. “I’ve done a few side jobs for Coop, helped him out on a couple of cases. My expertise is computers. I’m a freelancer for Uncle Sam. I don’t want you to think I’m going to chase down bad guys for you.”

She sipped her tea. “Ah, no. I didn’t think that.”

After: “Before we go further, there’s something you need to know.” Johnny placed his hands on the arms of his wheelchair. “I’m not actually a detective.”

Lily’s hand jerked and she sloshed her tea on her pant leg. “You’re not? Then why did Cooper send me here?” She grabbed a napkin wiping at the drops of water. What a colossal waste of her time. What had she been thinking?

He put up his hand. “Full disclosure. I’ve done a few side jobs for Coop, helped him out on a couple of cases. My expertise is computers. I’m a freelancer for Uncle Sam. I don’t want you to think I’m going to chase down bad guys for you.”

She glanced at his absent legs. “Ah, no. I didn’t think that.” Her gaze met his. Her face flamed. A smile played at his lips. Maybe he wasn’t as sensitive about being handicapped as she thought.

The dialogue is the same. Only the action has changed. It was the improved movement that made the reader feel more involved in the moment—more engaged in the emotional meaning of the moment.

Here’s another example:

Before: Larry entered the conference room and took a seat next to Amar. “I hear they’re going to announce layoffs today.”

“And I heard that’s a nasty rumor. Our profits are up. No way would they do that to us.”

“I hope you’re right. I just bought a house. My son loves his new school. I don’t want to relocate again.”

“Relax, man. Your job is safe. Everyone knows you’re the boss’s main guy.”

“Me? Who told you that?”

Amar rolled his eyes.

After: Larry entered the conference room, seeking a friendly face. Ah, Amar. He had stopped by his cubicle a couple of times. Maybe he knew what was going on. He settled in next to him and when Amar looked up, Larry said in a low voice, “I hear they’re going to announce layoffs today.”

Amar’s eyed widened and he leaned away from Larry. “And I heard that’s a nasty rumor. Our profits are up. No way would they do that to us.”

Larry laid his leather bound notepad on the oak table and straightened his tie. “I hope you’re right. I just bought a house. My son loves his new school. I don’t want to relocate again.”

“Relax, man.” Amar drew a circle on his yellow pad. “Your job is safe. Everyone knows you’re the boss’s main guy.”

“Me? Who told you that?”

Amar rolled his eyes.